I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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