remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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