There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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