just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
