also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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