I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
