did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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