Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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