I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he thought i was a dude.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
