Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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