I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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