Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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