They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
