Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
