it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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