im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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