Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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