her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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