Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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