I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
