Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
