The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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