During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
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Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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