So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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