sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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