in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
