I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
