I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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