You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
