i don't like sucking hair
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this just has baby written all over it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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