Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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