WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
