just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
