Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
