Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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