I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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