I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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