absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
grandma shit on top of the toilet
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
