Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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