I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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