How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
