So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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