she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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