Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
