its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
