When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
