Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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