here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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