If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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