mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
