God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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