you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
the liver wants what the liver wants
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
