oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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