i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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