Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
