im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
