Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
